The Bachelorette is ABC’s hit show that answers life’s key questions like, “How important is it to someone to become C-level famous?” and “Just what won’t a guy do for just the possibility of sex with a woman?”
It is compelling television.
But what if instead of dude bros who fell asleep in a tanning bed after a five-hour gym sesh it was men from the world of sports? There’s probably some tanning bed/gym overlap there, but wouldn’t you be more invested if it was an athlete or coach vying for sex instead of some dude named Chad that works part time as a surf instructor?
To that end, we have found 20 candidates for the next installment of The Bachelorette. We believe each potential suitor provides unique qualities for a special woman that’s willing to marry someone she met on a reality show.
NAME: Odell Beckham, Jr.
AGE/OCCUPATION: 23, Professional Football Player (New York Giants)
WHY HE’S A GOOD PICK: His most recent relationship involves him having to do all the work to make his partner look better than he is, so you know he’s ready for a co-dependent relationship. And you know what they say about a guy with a gigantic hand that is big enough to catch footballs 15 feet over his head.