I Still Want To Call You When Something Goes Wrong


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I have come close to perfecting the art
Of not needing you

After all, I’ve had a few years.

It seems as though it has been lifetimes
Since the days when I would call you late at night,
My fingers trembling on the telephone, telling you, “I need you,
I can’t do all this
alone.”

You and I
Were an unstoppable force
when pieced together,
With my passion like the all-consuming Ocean
Your diligence, the sureness of the Earth.

There was no mountain
we could not tackle
There was no storm
that we couldn’t quell

You were my home,
Inside the volatile oceans

and since you left I have been learning

To batten the hatches with courage,
To ride out the ever-changing tides,
My skin has calloused
over all the wounds carved into them,
My mind has risen up
to fill your empty space

And yet it’s still you
That I want to hold on to,
When the boat has been rocking
For too long

When an unexpected current bowls me over, when the deep chills
work their way into my bones

A small part of me eternally aches
To wrap my trembling fingers over a telephone,
Punch your numbers into the screen and tell you,

“Please come,
pick me up when you are able
It’s so cold here
and I want to come home.”

There are still days when I wonder
how other people go their whole lives
without falling apart
under the strain of it all

And the only thing I can conclude,
Is that those other people have never known what it feels like
To have once been loved
by someone like you.

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