I Know What I Want (And What I Want Is You)


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Mateus Lunardi Dutra

I want to be with you.

I want to stop chasing you. I’m sick of this Ross and Rachel will they won’t they shit. I want you to turn around and say, ‘That’s enough now.’ And I want you to hold your hand out for me to take so we can walk forward together from now on. I want to walk that road with you.

I want to feel your breath tickle my body. I want to run my fingers down the curve of your face and feel the stubble on your jaw.

I want to start and every day like that.

I want to go through phases with you. I want to go through the honeymoon stage with you and I want to get comfortable and spend recovering silences with you. I want you to be there to celebrate accomplishments and hold me through rejections. I want you to be the one to make fun of my shitty old hair cuts and to tell me you like me in that particular shade of pink.

I want to arrive at parties with you. I want to exchange glances in the language only we know that say ‘Let’s go home, I’ve had enough of everyone but you.’ And I want to leave with you and hold your hand as we walk up the driveway to the car.

I want to see the streetlights highlight your cheekbones as we drive through quiet night time roads. I will see your face and fall even more in love with you.

I want to watch you watching the way home.

And, I’ll be honest; I want to fuck. I want to feel your weight on me and under me. I want to lose the definition of me and you and get lost in the hot and sweaty mess of us. When I’m standing fully dressed by our bed, I want you to look at me like I’m already naked, make me vulnerable and quivering. I want to you to tease me. Nothing turns me on like the friction of your hips on mine. I want to fall into a deep and comfortable sleep with your arm over my chest, exhausted because we couldn’t stop until our physical stamina ran out.

I want to be with you. I want to stop chasing you.

I want you to stop seeing her and come back to me.

Please.

Mateus Lunardi Dutra

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