Dear Men: This Is Why Single Women Are Sick Of You


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Dear Men,

No, thank you.

Yeah, I said it, and I’ll explain.

I am uninterested in casual sex with you. No, thank you. There is no appeal to the nail biting wait for a text message (since we all know a phone call is off the table) after you sleep with me.

There is nothing delicious about hoping that you give a shit or having to play it cool because I do give a shit. I want to go on dates. Yes, dates – not “hang outs.” That distinction is important because a hang out could mean that we’re going to go walk around a mall like we did at 14 when our moms were our only means of transportation. A hang out implies that we’re bros. I have enough friends, sir. No, thank you.

When you say you want to take me on a date, I know you’re taking it seriously and that I’m not going out with some 19-year-old kid. (Which wasn’t appealing even when I was 19.) I want you to ask me out a few days before and plan something. I want you to put some effort into dating me. I don’t need flowers but, goddamnit, some sign that you care would be nice.

After that date, call. It’s not that hard. It’s refreshing. The two day waiting period should be a myth. Unfortunately it’s not, but think about how silly it is. “Oh my god, that woman was amazing and I definitely want to see her again but instead of just making it happen I’m going to make her sit around and wonder if I like her or not.” Following through shouldn’t be a rarity.

I want you to be honest. Woah, scary. I know. Here’s the thing, we are both adults. I don’t need you to tell me what you think I want to hear.

No, thank you. I can call my mom and have her tell me I’m pretty if I really need to hear it. The idea that you feel like you need to tell me you something you don’t believe, just so you can get in my pants, is ridiculous. If I want to sleep with you, I will. It’s totally that simple.

I don’t need to hear some long rambling speech about how incredible you think I am when, in reality, you’re just trying to bust a nut. I would rather know up front what you’re interested in. If we go out and you don’t want to see me again (brace yourself cuz this is hard to understand): don’t tell me that you do. Believe it or not, women don’t want to be lied to. I’m not going to tell you some fairytale story about how wonderful you are if I don’t think it.

Please don’t freak out if I want to talk to you. I like you. Stop panicking. (If you don’t like me back: see above.) It’s okay if we talk. It’s okay if you want to talk to me or want to see me again. Don’t wait until it’s too late to decide you want me.

I was seeing this guy for a while a couple years back and we did the whole “playing it cool” and “casual sex” thing off and on for almost a year. (Well, he did.) I had no issue being like “HI I LIKE YOU I HOPE THAT’S OKAY.” I knew he liked me back. Honestly, we were a good match but he waited until he moved 3,000 miles away to admit to having feelings for me.

What’s even more alarming is that even though we’ve had the discussion about where we both stand, he’s still timid. He’s still weird about being anything other than bro­-y about it. The last time I saw him we went on this sweet date and the next day he was so uncomfortable with me. Why? Who gives a shit? Can someone please explain what is so scary or shameful about having feelings and being willing to express them?

I don’t need to have 45 minute daily discussion about the fuzzywuzzies, but I shouldn’t be afraid to terrify you if I have an emotion other than horniness.

I won’t tell anyone if it’s something you’re embarrassed about, but you are capable of having feelings aren’t you?

In general, it seems like there is an unwillingness for men to be men. I’m not talking about when you guys take us out and open doors. That’s sweet and all, but that’s not it.

I’m talking about the unwillingness to connect, to be vulnerable, to step up. I am flabbergasted by how few men will take responsibility for their emotional choices and for the damage they leave behind post relationship.

Please don’t get me wrong, women aren’t innocent of dating crimes. There are women who will bail, ghost, use, cheat, manipulate, lie; people tend to suck in general but obviously it’s not everyone. I’m aware that there are men in the great wide somewhere who don’t act like idiots. Otherwise, the human race would’ve ended centuries ago.

So, here’s my request: surprise me. Surprise the girl you’re dating. Be real. Pretend like there are tv cameras waiting with bated breath for your emotional honesty. Share like there’s a million dollar commercial deal waiting at the end of the season. It might work out for you.

Sincerely, A Bitch Who Seriously Ain’t Got No Time For That

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