“Aside from the fear of rejection I’m not particularly afraid of anything. [sociallocker]I mean, rejection is the whole thing right? For me it can take a lot of drinks to build up the courage or, on those rare nights when I’m feeling like king of the world, it’s a little easier. But either way, finally building up the courage and then getting shot down sucks pretty hard.”
“If the person I’m trying to talk to is in a group that can make it weird especially if I don’t have a wing man to run interference. A lot of times it seems like the girls that I’m not hitting on want to stop me from even trying to talk to anyone like ‘they’re not hitting on me so I’m bored and will run him off.’ For those that don’t know what a wing man is for, that’s what they’re for, keeping the others ocupado so you can actually talk to the girl and see if she’s cool or into you.”
“I end up hitting on the drunkest girls in the bar without even meaning to. It’s like trying to talk to a lobotomy patient. ‘What’s up, hey I just thought I’d come over and talk to you. You’re looking pretty fine.’
She responds ‘glarblblargl.’ Oh, you’re smashed. So that half hour I just spent seeing if you might be open to someone talking to you were totally wasted and I’m a terrible judge of sobriety. Great.
This happens to me three times out of four. It’s become my worst nightmare.”
“I have zero fear of hitting on anyone. If they’re not into it that’s fine. One thing I will tell you though is that if you’re trying to talk to a girl in a group a lot of times the girls that you’re not trying to talk to will chat you up anyway. Just be open to talking to anyone and I think there’s nothing to be anxious about.”
“I’m not a good looking man. I mean that objectively. There’s no question that I am below average looking. I also don’t make much money so I can’t really dress up what I’ve got with clothes.
There’s been a few times when I’ve locked eyes with someone and started to approach them and I can tell by their change in expression that they’re thinking oh god he’s coming over here. Then I just get a beer or walk to the bathroom.
I’ve gotten pretty good at telling but yeah, being an unattractive guy makes trying to talk to a girl at a bar really stressful.”
“General self consciousness is a problem for anybody. I think guys build this up more than they should or at least a lot of my friends do. It’s no different from talking to any other stranger. You’re not trying out to be the guy having sex with her right then and there on the barstool. You’re just talking to a stranger. ”
“It’s like fishing. Cast the line. You’ll get a hit or you won’t. If you don’t, so what? If you do, great, see where it goes.
There are more women than there are men. If you get rejected it’s really not that big a deal. There’s always someone else to try to talk to.”
“The lame lies are what I really have anxiety about. Telling me you’ve got a boyfriend immediately after I say hey what’s up is a dead giveaway that you don’t have a boyfriend. Like, just say thank but I’m not interested. Unless I’m totally smashed and acting like a jackass then I’ll get the message. I know it probably isn’t meant this way but when someone lies to you right out of the box then it feels like they think you aren’t worth their time and that sucks.”
“When girls are out I think that they’re in hyper defensive mode a lot of times. They don’t want anyone to mess with them or get angry at them if they don’t want to talk. If you’re really just trying to say hey then getting rejected cause they’re spooked or whatever it can be pretty disheartening. I’ve pretty much stopped trying to talk to girls in public because of it.”
“My favorite story is when I approached a girl standing alone who was super pretty and had great style and she just said ‘fuck off’ when I said hello.
Wow, thanks. I won’t carry that with me for the next week at all. Hasn’t ever happened since then but I definitely remember it.”
“I don’t hit on a girl who’s in a group anymore and if I’m with a group of guys myself I always ask if the girls want to play darts or something. It’s low pressure and fun and puts everyone at ease instead of just standing there and trying to chat to a stranger that you’re only talking to because they’re attractive.”
“I used to hate hitting on girls because they’re all always expecting it and you’re never going to catch them with their guard down. Used to get exhausted by that. Best way to get a girls attention when you’re out is just to sit close to her and see how the night goes. There’s a moment a lot of times when she’s open to you saying something to her. Then it’s way more natural and you didn’t walk across the room just to stand in front of her and say hello.
Way less stressful for everyone.”
“This shit is not super serious. There’s no reason to give some stranger any power over how you feel at any time at all. She’s just a person. She may be boring af. She may be awesome. You’ll know within seconds if she’s boring or uninterested. You don’t owe a stranger anything and they don’t owe you anything. Tell a joke, compliment her if you like something about her.
Who cares? I used to have anxiety about talking to girls until I realized that they have no idea what they’re looking for until they find it. Pretty much just like me. The end.”
“Being super shy totally screws up any game I might have in any other way. I’m pretty good looking but I’m shy. I dress pretty well but I’m shy. I always feel like a girl can tell that I’m not some cocky and confident person. It messes with me bad.”
“I never know what to say after ‘hi.’ I can’t help it! I want to say something amazing or interesting or funny but I can never think of a thing to say. ‘How’s your evening going?’ That sounds awful.”
—Rob, 22 [/sociallocker]