12 Ways To Enjoy A ‘Friends With Benefits’ Relationship (Without Ever Getting Attached)


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Joel Sossa

1. Lay the ground rules out up front and make sure you both agree on them.

Don’t coyly play it out and see how it goes. If all you want is a FWB relationship, then that’s what you’re agreeing too. No one likes getting hurt, so if FWB isn’t something you think you’re capable of because you get attached too easily, don’t put yourself in that situation. It isn’t worth it and it isn’t for everyone. But you need mutual agreements from the start if you want it will work out.

2. Be careful who you choose your FWB relationship with.

Obviously don’t go for someone who you know has feelings for you, or you get a slight clue that they have feelings for you. And don’t agree to be FWB with someone you have feelings for. That’s surely going to lead you to trouble. Go for someone who might be more open about sexuality so it doesn’t seem like he could easily be attached and hope it could lead to a relationship down the line. Men might not seem like they want relationships, but they are just better at hiding their feelings.

3. Your FWB shouldn’t be involved in your social life.

He should only be there when you need him, sexually. Don’t invite him over to dinner with your roommates, don’t make plans with him on a Tuesday afternoon. FWB are meant to be in your life for a short period of time, don’t extend the invite and bring them into your social life because then you start making memories and it’s easier for feelings to start developing.

4. Don’t show pictures or messages from your FWB to your friends.

You don’t want your friends to start saying things like, “aw, he’s so cute.” No, that’s not what you want to hear because even if you think so yourself it makes it worse when they start asking questions and giving you their input on him and the situation. Keep the relationships as distant as possible.

5. Only have sex with your FWB.

Keep your relationship to the bedroom, or the car, or wherever it is you hook up. Don’t think you should switch it up and go get dinner, that’s a bad idea. You honestly want to know as little about them as possible to keep the emotional level of your relationship to a minimum. Keep it purely physical.

6. Do not sleep over.

Sleeping over just makes things more awkward. After sex cuddling or laughing or touching hands or whatever it is you do after sex is for relationships. Not your FWB. Kick him out or you leave his place because all that other stuff is going to start making you become attached. Plus leaving after sex eliminates the awkward morning walk of shames and you get to sleep in your own bed, so that’s a win right there.

7. Don’t read into his messages.

I swear, don’t do it. If he gives you a compliment don’t run and tell your friends what he said. Simply let your eyes skim the words and let it go. You can’t cling to compliments because he is just being polite; he isn’t saying he wants to date you. Don’t twist his sentences and dissect his words because men are generally not very deep humans. Plus you agreed to no feelings or attachments so he definitely isn’t doing it to try to win you over.

8. You don’t have to always be there at the flip of a switch.

If you don’t feel like hooking up one night, then you don’t have to. That’s the thing with a FWB it supposed to be for both of your pleasure and fun so if you can’t be bothered one night, you don’t have to agree.

9. Don’t get mad if he’s out with another girl.

This is crucial. You are not dating, he is not your boyfriend and he is not cheating on you. You are friends with benefits. You are solely sleeping together. You can date other people too, in fact I almost encourage it so you keep your feelings away from your FWB.

10. Don’t stalk him on social media.

Seriously, don’t. Don’t scroll through his tweets hoping that maybe he subtweeted something nice about you and what you did last night. Don’t stalk his Instagram pictures and Snapchat story to see who he’s with and what he’s doing. Again, he isn’t your boyfriend. He has his own life outside sex with you, so let the man do his thing.

11. Communication is key.

If something is up you have to tell them, no matter how awkward it might seem. You agreed to certain boundaries from the start and you have to be open about them. If you want to try something new, talk about it. FWB is the key time to experiment because you should be comfortable with each other and judgment shouldn’t be a thing.

12. If you start developing feelings because you just can’t control them you have to stop and you have to end the FWB relationship.

You can’t make feelings disappear especially if you’re regularly sleeping with the person. You have to tell them and you have to separate yourself because you don’t want your feelings to get any stronger, especially if he doesn’t reciprocate the feelings. It’s best to move on because you made your relationship clear from the start.

Joel Sossa

Original Article


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